I didn’t sleep much last night. I lay awake for hours, feeling crushed by my burdens. I tried not to think. I tried to pray. Nothing helped.
Finally, I decided to visualize handing over each of my burdens to God. I pictured myself lifting up a large bundle and God reaching down to take it from me. However, when I tried this with some of the bundles, they were far heavier than me, and not only was I unable to lift them, they were on top of me, squashing me flat.
I envisioned God reaching down and lifting one off me, only to have another, even heavier one, take its place. God lifted each one from me, until finally they were all gone.
I did feel a little lighter after this exercise, but I still couldn’t sleep. I felt as if I were drowning in my problems. I began to picture myself in a sea of faces, all shouting at me. I was holding on to the end of my rope to keep myself from going under.
Then I thought, “Why am I holding on? Wouldn’t it be much easier to let go? Wouldn’t it feel better to stop straining? Wouldn’t it be a relief to die?” So I released my rope. Then I began to sink.
Once below the surface, all the noise and chaos stopped. I was floating down to the bottom of the sea, and it was calm, quiet and easy. It was a wonderful relief. I totally relaxed and allowed myself to sink all the way to the soft sea floor. I felt warm, safe and comforted there, and I found rest. That’s the last thing I remember before I drifted off into a peaceful sleep.