To my daughter’s friend, who just brought her first child into the world:
Dear Amelia,
Congratulations! Welcome to the world of motherhood, the most rewarding, difficult and important job you will ever have. This is a joyful time in your life but also I know it can be intimidating to think of the responsibility you have just been given.
You want to be the best mother you can, but they come with no instruction manuals. So, for what it’s worth, I would like to share with you what I believe are the most important lessons that I have learned in 20 years of mothering – from my heart to yours. While I know that you must make your own way as a mother, I hope you can benefit, even if just a little, from my experience.
First of all, do not make the mistake of believing, as I once did, that God has handed you a bundle of clay with which you can create the person you choose. Your little boy is a unique creation of God and you do not have the power to change who he is. It is instead your job to love, nurture, protect and, most importantly, accept that special personality.
I have learned that I am not in control, much as I would like to be, of my children’s lives or anything else for that matter. Therefore, the greatest weapon I have in defense of my children is prayer. Of course, you will want to pray for God’s blessing and protection on his life, but my favorite prayer for my children is that God will reveal Himself to them and that His will may be done in their lives.
Since God knows so much better than me what they really need, I would rather trust Him with the answers than ask Him to apply mine. It is my sincerest hope that my children will come to truly trust in God’s unconditional, unfailing love at a much younger age than I have. That is my prayer for you, too, as I honestly believe this is the only way to find true peace and strength to deal with life’s rough seas.
There is an endless list of responsibilities as a mother – feeding, clothing, protecting, teaching, disciplining, etc. It can be an overwhelming burden at times, wanting to be and do everything for them. However, when it really comes down to it, what children need most is love and acceptance. Love covers a multitude of sins.
While I have and will continue to make many mistakes as a mother, for my children to know that they are loved by me and that I will always be there for them is the greatest gift I can give them. If they are sure of my love, I believe that I have succeeded as a mother.
Last, but not least, while I am sure you want to give your “all” to your child, it is important not to lose “Amelia” in the role of “Mom”. Take time for yourself and your interests. Do not lose sight of who you are and do not feel guilty to take care of your needs.
They say you can be a much better mother if you take care of yourself and it is true. I did not listen to this wise advice and now, after 20 years, I am trying to find myself again, whom I gave up totally in my role as wife and mother. It not only hurt me, but my family suffered for it as well. Do not make the mistake I made. You family is important, but you do matter, too.
They say your children step on your toes when they are young and on your heart when they grow older. While there is a great deal of truth to this, there is no need to fear it. It is through the challenges and heartaches of mothering that God can do the greatest work in our lives. I am so grateful for how God has used the humbling experience of raising my children to transform my life and heal my heart. And I would not trade it for anything.
You will make mistakes. Every mother does. Trust God to guide you through each day and He will give you what you need when you need it. Be the best mother you can be, but forgive yourself for your regrets.
Trust the amazing motherly instincts God has given you. They will not often fail you. No one knows what is best for your child better than you do. I know you will be a wonderful mother because you will love your child with all your heart and there is no more powerful love than mother love.