“When you look into your heart, you see what you are really like.” Proverbs 27:19.
This morning I had some revelations about myself. I realized that I’m grappling with my identity because I don’t believe anyone needs me. My identity has always been wrapped around being needed by others.
Who am I if no one needs me? I’m about to find out.
I’m working on freeing myself from this need to be needed and learning to be ok with taking care of my own needs. There will always be plenty of time to take care of others, as there always has been, but this time for me is a very rare gift. I need to relax and enjoy it.
I have such a hard time not feeling selfish and guilty when I feel like I’m not helping others or being productive. I know I need to learn to let go of that and be kind to myself. It seems so easy but it’s a tough lesson for me.
I’ve spent my whole life putting me aside to take care of others. Since it has come at such a great cost, it’s important that I get this down. I need to take care of me. I matter just as much as anyone else. Being a loving person means loving myself too.
Today is my mom’s birthday and I know she would appreciate knowing that I’m finally grasping what she tried to get across to me for so many years. I’ve had to admit to myself that I still care far more than I would like about being appreciated by people. Gradually I’m learning, however, that there is much more to me than what I do for others.
Once again, I return to this truth: I already have the only approval and appreciation that I need if I just look within. Why is that so hard to embrace?