“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” – Proverbs 3:5
Recently, a friend confided in me that her husband didn’t trust her. She’s been a faithful, loving wife for many years, and yet, he suspects she would cheat on him and possibly leave him for another man if she had the chance. She has never given him any reason to feel this way; in fact, she’s very careful never to give the wrong message to other men.
Her husband’s doubt is not about her at all, but about his own insecurities and fears. She shared with me how difficult this is for her – to be trustworthy but not to be trusted. I understand her frustration, since it seems ridiculous that her spouse could doubt her.
I have another friend that I love very much. We have been friends for years and we’ve been through much together. She has walked with me through these past eight years of floundering in my blindness, and, while I rarely heard God’s voice during that time, her reassuring voice gave me such comfort, knowing that I wasn’t alone in my dark place, but she was right beside me.
Lately, however,my friend has seemed more withdrawn from me. It seems that she’s been doubting my love for her and I feel like I have to be careful what I say or she will retreat from me. I’m still here for her as I’ve always been, but she doesn’t seem to trust me as much anymore.
Pondering these two cases, I identified my tendency to do the exact same thing to God. All my life, He has been there, loving me faithfully. Yet, I’ve never fully trusted Him. I’ve frequently doubted God’s love for me. I’ve feared that He would hurt me.
I’ve accused God and withdrawn from Him. In my fear of His rejection, I’ve rejected His love, just as my friend’s spouse is rejecting her love and my other friend is rejecting mine. It’s not because I don’t want it. I desperately do! It’s just because I don’t trust God – because I am afraid to trust. These two friends have helped me to see just how that feels from the other side.
I don’t want to hurt or reject God anymore or allow the enemy to continue to rob me. I want to fully receive the awesome, unconditional love that God offers me. My insecurities don’t change one thing. I am loved and always have been.